Worst Blogger Ever!!!

I know, I know....I could win an award for worst blogger ever. Just wanted to let everyone know that we are still here. The boys are doing fine. They were both circumcised last Tuesday and did very well with it. We were only at the surgery center about 2 hours and then we went home. You wouldn't even know that they had surgery. Both did absolutely fine.

They are doing so good. They have adjusted so well, just like they have been here forever. Both are healthy and strong. They are getting more comfortable everyday. It is so fun to watch them explore and learn new things. Cole is so smart. He understands everything you say to him, follows directions, and LOVES to entertain you. I guess my favorite part of the last couple of weeks is watching the boys play together and love on one another. At first, they had nothing to do with each other. They didn't even acknowledge that the other existed. Now they play with each other, even fight over toys. The cutest thing I have ever seen is when Caden was coughing, Cole ran across the room and patted him on the back. It was so cute!

They have both been evaluated for ST, PT, OT, etc., but we haven't made a definite plan. Caden has gained so much strength since he has come home. He is so close to walking. I can't wait to see him walk his first steps. He is the sweetest child in the world. He will be contently playing with his toys, spot me across the room, stop and crawl and strain/moan/groan until he gets to me....just to plant a big, sloppy, wet kiss on me and then crawl back to his toys and continue where he left off. It will melt your heart!

I was rereading some of my posts and when I read the "I don't feel like these are my kids yet" it sounded like it was coming from someone else. Those feelings are definitely gone and I feel/know these are my babies that were placed here in my home by God himself. I love them so much. I am back to work and I miss them so bad while I am gone. I call and check on them 20 times a day! Not only do I love them, but they LOVE me. They light up when I walk in and both are knocking things down to come and get me. They are identifying me as numero uno and I LOVE IT!!!! They are such a blessing and I am so happy that we said "yes" to the calling to go get them.

Now, to things that keep me up at night.....I can't get the other children that are left behind out of my mind. One in particular that I have never seen, never held, never knew. I find myself thinking of him several times a day, wondering if he is hungry, if he is being taken care of, wondering if he is being abused...wondering how I can go get him. Wondering if he is suppose to be my son, wondering if it is fair to the ones already home, wondering if it is fair to say no when I could so easily say yes....lots of wondering, suffering, anguish...I can't even pray about it. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to pray for. I am as broke as I have ever been and I don't know what to do with all of this. Please pray for me and my family that something will happen that will let us know what HIS plan is for us. I want to say yes so bad, but I don't know for sure if that is what is suppose to happen. Please pray that HIS plan will shine through, and if I am suppose to go on this journey again, then everything will fall into place so that can happen.